Just a handshake, one kiss, two kisses, three kisses? In the Netherlands the ‘rules’ for greeting each other are not really all that clear. If we do decide to give a social kiss, most people give three. George Lewis, a Master student of Human Technology Interaction from Egypt, wonders why there are three.

To answer this question, let us try and find out first where the origin can be found of three kisses by way of a social greeting. This is what Ileen Montijn says on the subject in her book ‘Leven op stand’ (good living): “Not until the 19th century was the handshake incorporated into etiquette, albeit only among friends. In the 20th century the handshake, as stated, became the universal manner to greet someone. After World War II shaking hands acquired a formal nature, subsequently to be regarded as a touch old-fashioned. In domestic circles the handshake was replaced by the kiss. In the whole period prior to 1940 kissing was still considered to be a specifically intimate thing, miles apart from the empty social gesture as it is used at the end of the 20th century.”

Why three, then?

According to Dolph Kohnstamm, psychologist and publicist, higher classes of society presumably began by kissing once, and then, in families with a foreign orientation, twice. In Brabant the giving of three kisses began first, probably under a French and Belgian influence.

Kohnstamm himself objects to three kisses. Indeed, at some time he set up a website where people could order buttons saying: I kiss twice. He does not perceive any cordiality at all in the exchange of three kisses and thinks that this is a routine, thoughtless and meaningless act. Perhaps that is the reason why the Dutch exchange three kisses: it is, after all, some sort of replacement of shaking hands, which is not a highly intimate manner to greet each other either. (HB)