The world is full of strange phenomena that cannot be explained by the laws of logic or science. The Dutch obsession with bicycles, for instance.
There are a lot of bikes in Netherlands. In fact, there are as many bikes as people. They are called ‘fiets’ in Dutch, probably because that’s what you use to power them. A typical Dutch bike has a standard tubular frame, straight handlebars and full fenders. It also has defunct brakes, a dynamo that doesn’t work, a luggage rack and the liberally used fiets-bell. The luggage rack -and I use the term ‘luggage’ loosely here- is a flat strong narrow plate above the rear fender. It is used to transport a wide range of cargo, from groceries and crates of Heineken to grandmas and children. Unfortunately, pianos and cupboards don’t fit on the rack, necessitating the use of two bikes driving side by side to transport those.
In most countries, riding double with another rider is usually reserved for circus acts, but in Netherlands it is a common sight. Dutch mothers are especially adept at this, their talent on full display when pedaling in skirts and stilettos, with an infant on the handlebar seat, bags of groceries on the handlebars, one hand holding the umbrella and a second child on the luggage rack. Optionally, you may also see the family dog, tied to the bike and running behind.
To drive like a Dutchman requires confidence. Sit upright on the bike and pretend to pedal effortlessly, while ignoring traffic lights, cars and pedestrians. The world is your fietspad. To spice things up a bit you could always play the Knockout game. It’s quite simple. First select a target pedestrian. Then stealthily cycle towards him at breakneck speed on a collision course, preferably from the rear. Exactly three seconds before impact, ring your bell just one time (only amateurs ring it more than once). Then swerve randomly to the left or right and observe the hapless victim jump for his life. Scoring is simple: +3 points for every near death experience, +2 bonus if the victim falls to his knees to thank god that he is still alive. And, of course, +10 if your victim’s a tourist.