The corner couch was already there when Fraaije took up her position in 1987 as humanistic student counselor at the TU/e. Even then her door was already open on Monday and Thursday mornings. She remembers the first student who came to her for advice. He did not have the courage to come in straight away and first asked what Fraaije did. She invited him to sit down on the couch and then he told her that his girl-friend has broken up their relationship. He had just seen her on campus talking intimately to a new friend. He had gotten scared when he noticed that he felt like beating the hell out of that boy. Instead, he ended up on the couch with Willemien and told her his story. He kept up his weekly Monday morning visits for a whole year.
Fraaije: “His story is illustrative of many of the students that have dropped in over the years since then.” Meanwhile many students have sat on that worn couch. To talk, to be comforted, to be heard and understood. What do students come up with in general? Fraaije enumerates: “Broken relationships, homesickness, they miss their relatives, or relationships at home. There are also students who have experienced the death of a parent, or whose parents may be seriously ill.”
Over the years Fraaije has also received many international students in her role as counselor. “After all, the TU/e is a big organization where you may well feel lost. Young people far away from home may therefore be looking for a substitute for home. If things are alright, you can find some soul mates in Eindhoven to tell your story to. Sometimes this fails. Still, even if you can find them, it is not always wise. Nobody wants to be thought of as pathetic. Here, anyone can tell their story without having to be afraid that someone will hold it against them at some point. Everyone can take off their masks here, can drop their defense. I don’t wear a mask myself either”, says the counselor. “I listen and I also share little things from my own life with them, my grief, my joy.” Fraaije emphasizes that the couch has also experienced its share of laughter.
Home front
Fraaije about her own student days in Breda: “I enormously enjoyed the strong sense of freedom and the openness in mutual relationships. In that respect the times have not changed. Indeed, they have become better. Think of the greater ease with which students can also communicate with their family and friends from a great distance. I myself can text with my children, who study elsewhere. That is something I also see with a great many Asian students here at the TU/e, who keep in touch with the home front that way.”
In spite of the improved distance communication facilities you may feel inclined to confide in an independent third party when something happens to you. Fraaije explains: “Even when you have a good social network, you cannot always fall back on the understanding of others. For instance because your environment itself does not have any experience with this and finds it difficult to empathize with your situation.” Fraaije says that she thinks everybody should have a couch ready for others. “Just listening to someone quietly and paying attention can be of immense value, especially in times of need.”/.
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